Finding out that your partner is having an extramarital affair or cheating on you is worse than a break-up. It is quite traumatizing to realise that your partner who once gave you all the happiness and gaiety in the world has drifted apart quietly and ended up having an extramarital affair concurrently.
We end up blaming and cursing ourselves when we go through something painful like this. When people are getting attracted to each other and having cheating sex – a casual one – it might not sound like a big deal to you unless you’ve figured out about your cheating lover. Even the thought of ‘your partner betraying you’ can leave you void.
Adultery or infidelity may sound very “normal” in a world where flings and casual relationships are perceived as an epitome of coolness. However, discovering about the cheating wife or husband can take a toll on your life – especially when your family and children are involved. To have a better hold on to the situation, here is what you shouldn’t do when you find out about your cheating husband or wife.
Say NO to Revenge
Generally, people get bored when the relationship gets older and they start seeking something new. Instead of realizing the need to put in efforts to nourish and keep up the charm of the relationship, people tend to give up. That’s the phase wherein you often find your cheating boyfriend or cheating girlfriend.
Undoubtedly, the feeling of betrayal and your partner’s disloyalty can dent you both mentally and emotionally. During this stage, you might be tempted to take revenge or slam the person on social media. But hey, just breathe!!! The thought of exposing your partner’s wrongdoing may give you a sense of momentary satisfaction but it can also backfire and pave a way for a brand new rift altogether.
Take Care of Yourself
A majority of people have the tendency to confine themselves to a dark room and end up lying in bed staring at the wall at this particular juncture of their life. However, isolating and punishing yourself for someone else’s mistake is not a way to reinvigorate yourself, right? Make yourself a priority and start having proper meals. Hit the gym and vent out all your frustration. Unfold the diva/ hunk in you.
Stop Blaming Yourself
Trust me, when I was cheated on (yes, that’s true), all I could do was constantly blaming and questioning myself for everything that happened. I ended up ruining everything – my self-confidence, inner peace and charm. As a rule of thumb, stop blaming yourself for your partner’s extramarital affair. On the contrary, some people may also have a tendency to play the victim card, blame their partner or the third party for that matter but trust me, this approach will only make you feel more helpless and emotionally weak. Rather than slamming the doors of hope, consider it as a golden opportunity to transform your life. Stop blaming and start seeing the brighter side because you deserve immense happiness.
If you’re unable to come out of the chaos alone, I would recommend you to seek help from a professional counsellor. It is always better to take precaution if your children, family or close friends are involved. Counselling will help you release your stress and deal with the situation more effectively. Before jumping into any decision regarding divorce or separation – if you’re married – seek an expert’s advice on the matter.
“Why did your partner cheat on you” – this might be among the questions that haunt you day in and day out. I know it is very hard to channelize your emotions and feelings positively at this stage but evaluating your relationship can get you real answers. It’ll give you more clarity and help you find out the reasons and situations, which made your partner adulterous. Take a rational decision whether you want to go on further with your spouse or not. Meanwhile, you heal yourself, try to abstain from the negativity of social media.
Don’t Go Chasing Your Disloyal Partner
Know your worth and don’t let your unfaithful partner take you for granted. Be mindful of the fact that, if your partner chooses someone else over you, no matter how much you try to pull back all the strings, there are high probabilities it can happen again at some other juncture. I may sound callous, but the more you forgive and try to draw your partner closer, the more they tend to walk away unless being unfaithful was their genuine mistake. Always keep your morale up and focus more on healing yourself than fixing everything in your relationship, which isn’t your fault in the first place.
Above all, don’t react impetuously, instead of talking indirectly, tell them what you found out about your partner’s affair and give them time and space to answer all your queries. I would want you to patiently listen to them and then make a rational decision. 🙂
Fundamentally, loyalty is something that everyone expects and deserves from their partner. So, know your worth and always choose to be happy. Stay Strong, bud!